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A Requiem for My Problem

July 28, 2010

My phone just died.

It is– was– a little brick of a phone, and lasted me something like seven years. It was my second cell phone ever.

It is called PROBLEM. This is because Professor Godzich taught a class this spring with the title “Problems,” and no further explanation in the course catalog. Some friends of mine discussed this, and it was decided that the esteemed professor would simply discuss anything he deemed to be sufficiently problematic. I labeled my phone PROBLEM as a way of testing this– the hypothesis being that it would get discussed in the class. I unfortunately hadn’t enough time in the day to take the class (Spring quarter nearly killed me as it was), but it was reported to me that my hypothesis proved incorrect. Me being a scientist, I was as pleased by proof to the negative as proof to anything else.

My phone has enabled a number of friendships that would not have otherwise existed. My dear friend Gloria and I used to talk cross-country for hours. This the phone on which I read Dorian Gray to her for two hours until she fell asleep. This is the phone on which I coordinated hundred-person parties in the woods. This is the phone that got me through high school and college. This phone has been through something like thirty states with me. This phone has been to Hawaii and Alaska.

This phone’s convenient little brick-shape is especially valuable to me, honestly. I throw it at the wall after frustrating conversations. I love slamming it shut. I drop it constantly. It’s a downright wonder it’s even lasted this long. This phone has endured sand, smoke, and snow. It tucks into my hand like a rock, like a worry-stone, and the weight of it in my hip pocket is so comforting that I have a hard time leaving the house without it.

While I know it’s time for a new one– I cannot be this far adrift in the world without a way for my parents to call me, and I guess a way for me to call the cops or whatever– I want to take a moment to seriously memorialize this item. It is an item in the world, a consistently solid piece of reality that has enabled me to bridge the gap between my world and the world of my friends, associates, family, loved ones, and annoying telemarketers for a significant part of my life. This phone is a physical representation to me of a lot of relationships, a lot of words, a lot of conversations.

Anyways, I’m totally getting one with a QWERTY keyboard today because I am going to tweet like a mofo.

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One comment

  1. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your PROBLEM — it was a good one, and I’m sad to know that it is no longer with us. What happened that caused it to die?



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